HPB, Bernie & Tech Support

Today has been quite busy for a Saturday. I usually stay in my PJs all day if I can get away with it, but I had to put on pants today (okay, they were leggings) since we went out.

Firstly, I’d just like to note that Honey punched both Damon and me in the face this morning (on two separate occasions) when we were trying to cuddle with her in her bed. Rude. But she’s been in one of her moods today. I took her out when we got home and she went straight to bed and hasn’t seen either of us since.

This morning we went out to the Half-Price Books in Skokie to sell 81 books that we were getting rid of. I expected it to take hours but they actually finished getting us our estimate before I’d managed to flip through all the books with pink spines in the Metaphysical section. In the meantime, Damon picked up a couple of Music-related books, and I got a new adult coloring book. (Adult, like for adults, not like ahemadult.) We got $48 and managed to spend $46 and some change on our three books and a few records.

Unrelated, but they had a book at that HPB signed by EISENHOWER. It was $700. How does a HPB in Skokie have a book signed by Eisenhower? Sorcery.

With our newly obtained dollar and change, we headed home. As we exited the freeway, we stopped at an intersection where there was a panhandler. I can never drive off without helping someone out, so we gave him the $3 we had in cash. He had a hook for a hand. I’d like to think he’s just on leave from his pirate ship and will be back to swabbing the decks come summer.

So, now down a dollar and some change we got back home, where I promptly played Smite until I fell asleep. Weekend days are for naps. (I also tried on my cat face dress, which fit perfectly. I can’t wait to wear it to the book release party for The Awkward Phase.) I woke up at 3, and it was time to head over to our pals Claire and Alan’s place to watch Bernie’s live stream today. They had made a tremendous spread of food, and we also got to hang out with Claire’s sister Sarah, her husband Mitchell, and their son Jack. And of course, the dear Oboe. It was super fun. We watched Bernie’s short call to action, then sat around and chatted and alternately snacked on and sat on a package of Thin Oreos*.

Claire told us a story about how a man had yelled at her this morning while she was out with Oboe. Damon jokingly said, “It was probably my dad.” He lives just about a block away from Claire and Alan. And the best part of the story is — it was Damon’s dad. Cities are big, but they’re not that big. I always find it funny how small the world is. I  mean okay, yes, they do live close to each other so it’s not that weird, but it’s STILL hilarious.

Damon had tried to call his dad a few times to stop by his place, but he wasn’t picking up. Just as we were leaving, Damon finally got ahold of his dad so we went by his apartment. He’d been having some issues with his wireless router, and apparently also his headphones, his TV, and Windows 10. Just so everyone knows, he definitely did not do anything to cause any of the issues he was having. Including the headphones being unplugged from the TV. Damon, ever the good son, resolved everything and his dad was thrilled when we left. My help consisted of trying to Google things regarding Windows that I don’t know the terminology for (because fuck Windows), reconnecting his dad’s Kindle to his wifi network, picking on his dog Luther by bopping him on the head with a reusable grocery bag, and laughing hysterically the entire time over an interaction Damon had had with a woman in the elevator on the way up. It went like this:

Old lady: This elevator closes so fast! I feel like I’m always rushin’ these days!
Damon, going for a straight up dad joke: Well you don’t look RUSSIAN to me!
Old lady, deadpan: Actually my Grandmother was from Russia.

We’re finally back home now, and I want to go to sleep already. But it’s 10:30 PM on a Saturday, so I’m going to try to stay up as long as I can. I’m about to start watching Bake Off** though, and nothing puts me to sleep like watching people cook. I’m serious. Seat me at a chef’s table and I’d be out like a light, face down, in my appetizer.


*Thin Oreos are LIFE. If you’ve not had them, you must. I know what you’re thinking, and I was there at one point too — “Oreos are perfect. In fact, they need more ‘Stuf’, not less. Why would anyone want a smaller Oreo?” — but let me tell you, there’s something about this ratio. Both the cookies and the ‘stuf’ are thin. They just got it right. I can’t even explain it. They’re everything.

**I just hopped on Amazon to find a link for Bake Off and it turns out you get Season 1 free with an Amazon Prime membership. I haven’t watched Season 1 yet. I started with 3, 4, and am on 5. I think we had downloaded the other seasons, but this makes it suuuuper easy to find. So, like, see you never.

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