I have to share a story — a year in the making, but I just found a photo and needed to get this out there.

Let me begin by telling you, humbly, that I am fantastic at finding weird shit on the internet. Like, unnaturally good at it. On an old business card, I had my actual real-life job title, and beneath it, listed: First-Rate Internetter. And I still consider it true. If there was actually a job you could get just browsing the web for oddities, I would be the best at it. (Hi, Buzzfeed!)

Also, I’m a sucker for a story. A BIG OL’ SUCKER. Also also, I have a Bachelor’s degree in History and am obsessed with all things historical.

Okay. I think that about gets you through the important stuff.

Now. Onto the tale.

If you follow me on Instagram, you’ll know that I put together some Newt Scamander cosplay for this year’s C2E2. It turned out great. If you’ve forgotten (or don’t know) who that is, here’s a picture:

He’s the main character from Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them, a Harry Potter spinoff/prequel. In preparation, I spent the better part of the day scouring the web for pieces to the costume. The coat, the suit, the vest, and the case.

eBay had a lot of cool vintage suitcases, as well as Etsy. So, I tabbed out about 50 of them (admitted tab fiend), and started clicking through.

I found one I thought was particularly cool. It wasn’t quite right for the cosplay, because of the stickers…but maybe I could work around it. I flipped through the available photos. Outside, it was not in bad shape.

Inside: Clean.

And then, I saw it.

SIR. ALFRED. BUTT BART.

GUYS. IT SAYS BUTT.

BUTT.

I laughed. And laughed. Then shared it with everyone I knew and we all had a laugh about it.

Then, I had a thought. I had to know…I Googled “sir alfred butt bart”. And then, things got crazier.

HE’S REAL. ALFRED BUTT BART IS REAL AND HE’S A SIR.

To stop you from having to read his entire Wikipedia page, his name is actually Alfred Butt. He was knighted, and BART is an abbreviation for Baronet. It’s Sir Alfred Butt, Bart. (Now I can see the punctuation properly on the trunk, as well.)

So I started reading more about Sir Butt. Turns out he was really in to race horses, and was actually a British MP! And look at the name of the place he represented…

*DIES*

BUTT. MP OF TOOTING. I CANNOT.

So, um, I bought it.

I bought Sir Alfred Butt, Baronet,’s suitcase.

I couldn’t help it. I had to have it. Butt. Tooting. HISTORY.

I’m off to put some junk in Butt’s trunk. The internet wins again.