Crossposted on Medium.com.

New Year’s is generally a time when people begin planning a night with friends, buying some nice champagne, and putting together some resolutions. It’s a fun time to share your commitments with family and friends, and enjoy each other’s company.

For those of us slightly insecure self-help addicts, New Year’s is an anxiety inducing landmark, since it’s the PERFECT day to start one million projects and begin the [insert year here] BETTERMENT AGENDA. Really, early December is when the panic starts setting in.


Anything you don’t like about yourself? You can change it NEXT YEAR! Every self-help book you read this year and vowed to put in to practice? This. Is. It.

Disorganized? This is the year you get a planner and actually use it.

Disclosure: I already bought two planners this year. One of them started in August, but don’t worry. I may have missed a few months, but I’ll be in it hot and heavy starting on January 1.

Want to read more? Make a resolution! Start a book on January 1st!

Disclosure: I made a goal on Goodreads to read 25 books this year. I read 10, and am in the middle of 2 more, but they sent me a message last week letting me know THERE’S STILL TIME TO COMPLETE MY GOAL!

Want to lose weight? Diet starts January 1st, along with your strict new workout regimen.

Disclosure: My wedding is in less than 9 months, and the Bingo wings have got to go. Also I’m going to learn to cook and take my lunch 3x a week to save cash. I bought a bento box this week. Okay, two. I couldn’t decide between them. I narrowed it down after 3 days and 45 Chrome tabs.

Want to start a business? Get that website up. January 1st launch date!

Disclosure: All I need to do is finish the WordPress site, figure out how Shopify works, create all the graphics, and get content up in the next…11 days. Oh yeah also that other blog…so just two quick WordPress sites. Easy.

Want a cleaner house? Want to get rid of all the stuff you don’t need? Want to have more fun in your life? Want to focus on more serious ventures? Want to find a new job? Want to work harder at your current job? Want to get more involved in politics? Want to get less involved in politics? January 1st, January 1st, January 1st!

My audible account has 14 audiobooks in it. 8 of them are self-help books. I bought at least 2 online self-help courses this year (neither of which I’ve had time to sit through). Organization, projects for becoming happier, being a badass, giving less of a f*ck, being more creative, finding your true desires — you name it, I’ve got it. I’ve read it. (Or it’s on my list to read.) I’ve wanted to start implementing changes…but just have to find the time! No matter. A few days off for the holidays should give me all the time I need to do…well, all of that shit.

It’s okay that one person tells you to focus on yourself while another tells you to focus on others. One person says you shouldn’t quit your job to pursue your passions, while another recommends it right away. Get a spreadsheet. Track your moods. Don’t keep so much track of everything and live in the moment. Travel! Be free. Also be content with where you are. Strive to better yourself, but don’t compare yourself to others. Be vulnerable with people, but figure out which people it’s okay to be vulnerable with. Live in a perfectly organized home, but don’t bother yourself with the little things. Somehow…just somehow, all of this will just meld together, right? And then I’ll be like, the ultimate person? The überperson?

Oh, welcome to my neuroses. We’re glad to have you, thanks for stopping by.

The truth is…I’m pretty all right. I’m on time when I go somewhere (mostly). I’m nice to people. I work hard. I have creative hobbies that I wish I had more time for. I could stand to lose a few pounds and be in a bit better shape. I could stand to make more money. But, like, couldn’t we all? Even you, you self-help gurus?

Maybe I should learn to meditate next year. I need to relax.

I think I’ll start on January 1st.

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