Apple Event March 21, 2016

Yesterday Apple held one of their much anticipated events to announce their new products and product updates. I watched the live stream and wanted to put together a recap for those of you that missed it.


(Snagged from the internet.)

Tim Cook, Apple’s CEO, started out with some information about their ongoing dispute with the FBI. Apple will continue to stand with their customers and will not create a backdoor into iOS. I’m happy to hear this; though it does sound like the FBI may have found a third party to get them in to the phone. Should be interesting to follow this story as it progresses.

They followed up with some information about a new recycling program. They’ve created a device called Liam. Liam has a very particular set of skills. Basically: if you’re an old iPhone, he will find you, and he will destroy (carefully dismember) you.


(Snagged from the internet.)

They’ll soon be powering Apple on 100% renewable energy. Actually really cool.

They brought up Health and the Research Kit. They’ve found that this has given thousands of people the opportunity to participate in research studies, and through that they’ve determined there are some treatments that can also be provided via the iPhone and Apple Watch. They’ve now created Care Kit, which will allow patients to receive follow-up care from their doctors remotely. Basically a 21st century update for an old-school doctor’s bag.

When they released their invitation for the event, mentioning the words “in the loop”, most folks assumed they’d be releasing a new version of the Apple Watch. They did not. But they do have new watch bands. I still can’t add a third party watch face, so it means nothing to me. (Okay, fine. I’m probably going to get the pink nylon band.)

They did release some updates for the Apple TV – the most useful one I heard was that Siri will now allow dictation for usernames and passwords. That’s for you, Damon. (Any time we have to type that information in to a device I snatch the remote out of Damon’s hands like it’s a delicious Thin Oreo because I’m too impatient to wait on him to click through the alphabet.)


What can you help me with, Siri? Find a way to accept keyboard input. (Snagged from the internet.)

They also released the iPhone SE. It’s basically got the same guts as the existing 6S phones, except in the body of what appears to be the iPhone 4. As a petite person, I am tempted by the thought of a smaller phone. I do miss the ease of composing a text message with one hand — the days with less typos — the days when I didn’t need my iPhone to try to decide I meant “shot” or “duck”. However, I’m not going back now, because my screen is bigger on the 6S and I have a Napoleon complex.

Screen Shot 2016-03-22 at 9.33.07 PM

(Screencapped from

Next, they covered iOS 9.3. I took a couple notes on some things they mentioned:

  • Night Shift – the phone’s screen will take on a less blue tint in the evening. Basically f.lux for your phone, or the reason why folks have jailbroken them prior to this.
  • Notes – you can now password protect notes in your Notes app, to keep that grocery list well and truly hidden
  • Health – the app will now make suggestions to you of apps that might work well. The first time my phone recommends I get off my ass will be its last.
  • News – Apple says they have 50 million active users of the News app. Bring out Maury Povich, because that is definitely a lie. Unless they’re counting the times when I accidentally opened that app trying to get to something else.
  • CarPlay – I have a 2008 model car. This will not work for me. And why are they still talking about Apple Music? Give it up, guys.
  • Education – I graduated from college 9 years ago, so if you think I found this interesting, you’re wrong.

Finally, they announced a “new” iPad (I’m not giving them any credit for new devices. For the iPhone SE, they dug around and found an old case in their Liam recycling pile and then crammed all the parts of the 6S in to it. And the iPad is basically the same thing. They borrowed Rick Moranis’s shrink ray and put the iPad Pro into a smaller body.)


(Snagged from the internet.)

The new iPad Pro is 9.7″, much smaller than the previous 12.9″. Both sizes are available. Both sizes are still out of my price range. To be honest, the only thing I really want is the Apple Pencil, which doesn’t even write on paper.

In closing, Tim Cook mentioned that this would most likely be their last town hall in that location. Next year, in 2017, they’re moving to their new spaceship campus. For a brief moment, I began to feel sentimental. I remember working for Apple and watching Steve Jobs give his Keynotes from my desk. It’s odd to think about how much time has passed since then, and how much has happened. That moment quickly ended when I realized he’d said 2017. 2017? What am I supposed to buy for the next 9 months?!


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